Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Childhood Ambitions (and my novel?)

Believe it or not, I actually wanted to be a doctor when I was little.
*laughs hysterically for 60 seconds*

*Clears throat..*
Any ways, I suppose it had something to do with the idea of helping others. But as soon as I began secondary school I realised that science wasn't exactly my best subject :P

It was then that I discovered my love for art. So for the next three years, I wanted to be an artist, or something through which I could show my creative side. I always looked forward to art classes in school, I even looked forward to getting art homework. During these three years it became obvious to people around me that I loved art. Art just made me happy. Art was something I was actually good at. (Am I saying 'Art' too much?)

When I moved to a new school, they didn't offer art as a subject. At first, I was terribly disappointed. But as weeks passed I started having this sudden interest in English (language and literature). I always liked English before but I clearly preferred art. I don't really know how my slight 'sudden interest' grew into the 'oh-my-god-I-need-to-write-something-right-now!' type of obsession.

In the beginning I just liked writing essays/stories but one day an idea came into my head and I quickly wrote it down. This was more than a year ago. I carried that idea with me, adding little bits to it as it expanded inside of my head. The idea then led to some scenes which I also jotted down. Slowly, I realised I had so many bits of the story written on paper, word documents and even on my ipod, this was not just a 'story', if written out properly, it could be a novel.

I never really took it seriously until my six months holidays began after I finished high school. I had time, lots of time. So I began working on it. I don't know if other writers experience this, but I felt like I was bipolar most of the time I worked on my novel. There were some days I felt ecstatic because I had the plot straight in my head and I knew exactly where this story was going. But then reality would hit me and suddenly the holes in the plot would become obvious and I'd start feeling like it was impossible to fix the plot-holes. But then another idea would hit me, and it would somehow fix a part of the story and I'd become excited again. But then as I would move along I will realise another plot-hole.... you get the idea :P

All of this was just extremely frustrating, so... I gave up.

That was, until November came along. I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. The rules said you can't use any of the actual writing you've done, which was okay because most of the 'scenes' I had jotted down didn't blend in with the story anymore. It had changed so much. So I did nanowrimo. And it worked. I not only reached the 50k word goal and won the challenge, but I finally wrote down the story which had been building itself up in my head.

The sad part was that though I wrote 50k, the novel was still left incomplete. I didn't write it from the beginning and I never managed to reach the end. So even though I have written quite a lot, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I knew I had to finish it. But as the whole NaNoWriMo adrenaline faded away I went back to my old ways of not writing anything for days. December passed quickly and I hadn't written much at all. After that college started so I haven't had much time.

Right now, I have a VERY unfinished and scattered novel saved somewhere in my thumb-drive. I don't even dare open the document. A friend told me that if I give up on it now, it would waste the effort I put in all these past months. Which is true. So hopefully I'll somehow find the time and motivation to finish the first draft. I already know what I'll be doing once I have the first draft written. I'll be following Plot Whisperer for Writers and Readers , it's a one-month guide which is actually supposed to be done right after nanowrimo but since I hadn't completed my draft by the end of november, I couldn't go ahead with it.

Anyways, I'm ranting a lot! This post was actually supposed to be about my childhood ambitions but it turned into something completely different.

I am so sleepy right now *yawns.*

Comment and let me know what your ambitions were when you were young and how they have changed now :D


  1. haha. u need to get ur move on n finish the nanowrimo story cz i'm still waiting here wanting to read it =P (don't remind me that I also have an unfinished story. haha, i don't count since I didn't even reach the 50K target)

    anywayss.. my ambition used to be a nurse.. *sigh* what's it with kids liking the idea of helping ppl out hm?
    I think I forgot abt the idea when slowly I realised even though I don't faint or is scared of blood, i don't particularly like it... cz it makes me cringe =P

    my ambition now? dno, smt to do with business/economivs? (since that's what i'm studying)with internet= business internet.
    and maybe if I can get even more involved with youtube... hahaha jz saying ;)

  2. Wow! A doctor! how ambitious! LOL. You most definitely need to finish your NaNoWriMo story because I want to read it as well! I wanted to be a Dentist because I LOVED going there when I was a child! but not anymore.

    I am a slave to The Fame now.

    I gave your blog an award. =]

  3. i think there is a point in every child's life where they want to be a doctor.
    when i was little i always wanted to be an author :P as i grew older, i thought journalism to be more suitable. since i'm working as a teacher now, that aspiration is not really going to come true anytime soon, but i'm grateful to have a blog so that i can consistently write, no matter what the content is.
    i'm excited for your novel!
    and you're not ranting, as i said before. you're writing good stuff which is loads interesting.

  4. from doctor to writer that is amazing keep up the great work

  5. Twefrence: Haha I shall tryyy. And YES you do have an unfinished novel too!
    Haha a nurse? wow I can't imagine you being a nurse :P
    You're never giving up on youtube are you? haha :P

    Adrian: Haha, i'll try to finish it :D You loved going to the dentist?! Never heard anyone say that before :P
    That's cool :D
    Oh thank you!

    Furree: Haha yeah I think so too :P
    You wanted to be an author and now a journalist? That's awesome! You can do both actually :D
    Hehe thanks <3 :)

    Becca: Haha :P Thankss :)

  6. As a kid I wanted to be an FBI agent, something about the cool button shirts, trench coats excited me (maybe its the fashion in me). Well, later in life I realize writing was my outlet because I wasn't an outgoing person so I used writing to get my voice heard.

    I feel exactly how you feel about writing a novel and its quite normal. even the pros get stuck at some points. Just don't give up on it if you still have interest in the story itself. I can help you, like send pieces of the novel you would like to get critique if you want

  7. Cameron: FBI agent? Wow :P
    Oh good, I'm not the only crazy one then! Thank you so much for the offer, if I get anything written I'd love the critique :D

  8. You need to finish that novel and publish it. So I can read it and obsess over it. Okay?

    I did not really have any as such childhood ambitions. My parents always told everyone that I was gonna be a doctor. So I am gonna be a doctor. But I'm gonna write too. I kind of also have an idea. It's not sorted out completely, but it's getting there. (: I wanted to do NaNoWriMo too but I couldn't find the time. Hopefully this year I'll do it. :D

  9. Aseela: Hahaha, okay :D
    Doctor, sounds good! I was never good at science so the idea of me being a doctor is laughable.
    You have a novel idea? Start writing then!
    I hope you do nano this year, and I hope I have the time to do it again too, then we can share our experiences :D

  10. Yes! Is that weird that I love going to the dentist? He was really nice and the nurses were super funny. They gave me prizes and became my friends. One time I had laughing gas and I was laughing for like 30 minutes straight and they were like... when is this kid gonna go to sleep? LOL fun times.